Recently, I received a request to write a blog about Christian dating. The goal for this blog is to exit the mindset of the “dating game” and enter the mindset of pursuing a future with the person God chooses. Nowhere in scripture does it ever talk about dating? In fact, dating is something that has been made up and inspired by man. However, the world we live in creates requirements and expectations of us that are influenced by the culture of our society. Our job as Christians, is to be able to live in the world but not of it. Culture is good, unless it does not line up with the Bible. Meaning: the idea of dating is not something Biblical, but should be used in a way that is obedient to God.
The first thing you should ask yourself before diving in to a dating relationship is this: “Would this relationship be pleasing to the Lord?” The second question is, “Am I mature enough to love and protect this person’s heart?” If even one of these can not be answered confidently, then it would only be foolish to pursue a dating relationship at that time. Honoring the Lord with our love for someone else should be our primary focus. Once we loose sight of Him, we take matters into our own hands. Keep in mind the danger of placing matters into human hands instead of God’s. A relationship involves two people with selfish desires as opposed to one perfect God with righteous intentions. The only thing that comes out of a relationship that focuses on human desire and not God’s, is pain and emptiness.
The whole idea behind dating someone is to find a spouse; someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with. This does not mean hop around until you find a person that doesn’t make you mad all the time. I believe going from relationship to relationship and bailing as soon as things go south creates a mindset that will hurt you later on. When we practice this in our younger years we create habits that transpire in our later years. If minor commitment is to much to be asked of you as young person, then stop. Give yourself time to grow and mature as you focus on God’s will for your life and not your own. One of the greatest things you can learn when you’re young is to persevere where God directs you. Perseverance is a major part of commitment. God tells us to be people who live by truth. When we commit to something, we should faithfully commit. The definition of commit is “to pledge or bind to a certain course or policy.” God does not desire for His children’s hearts to be thrown around and played with. Not faithfully committing to something only brings hurt to the people who are involved.
The love we have for someone else should be inspired by the love God has for us. If that is not something you think you can accomplish, then stay clear of dating until you feel enabled by God. We must first be confident in God’s love for us before someone else can feel confident in our love for them. Focusing on God’s love and desire will also help us refrain from impurity and sexual temptation. Sex outside of God’s design is simply an act of selfishness and can not be justified through “love.” If you truly love the person you are dating you will put their walk with the Lord above your intentions. Though it is easier said then done, it is possible through Christ. I have seen in my own life that I become weak in my love for others when I am not focused on Christ’s love for me. 1 John 4:7 says, Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Meaning, once we have been born again we are now able to fully love those around us. The love described in scripture is the action of Love, not the feeling. In a dating relationship, we should focus on the action of love which produces the feeling of love. (1 Corinthians 13).
Wait till God directs you to the right person. Before engaging in a dating relationship, understand the spiritual and mental maturity that is required to protect the other person’s heart. Honor God with your actions and focus on His love. By doing so, you will be able to faithfully love others and find the person God designed specifically for you.